Why Cheat?

So I’m simply here to ask why do people cheat? Is it that temptation is just too strong? Is it a secret desire to want what we can’t have or want something someone else already has? Is it some hidden insecurity that we justify with the malicious of making sure that our self-needs are satisfied? The truth is whatever it is plain and simple it ain't right!! Even people who are in the act (maybe as I write) know it just ain't right there is no justification for the sticky mess that you have just sucked yourself into and there is no freedom in knowing that you have gotten away with such foolish behavior, the truth is cheating effects everyone involved and that’s the bottom line. So you're probably thinking why do I write so knowledgeably TRUTH BE TOLD I HAVE CHEATED yeah that’s they plain truth I have cheated my friends, my self and worse of all the one person that I confided in. the thing is that if I lived with the guilt of cheating forever I would not be able to be as happy as a I am today but as I sit watching Carrie on Sex in the City jungle between two men I think back to the conversation I had with my friend on Friday about my guilt and how I feel that even though my acquaintance doesn't know that me and her man got down for a while (NOT SEX) I have a sense of peace within myself because the truth is god has forgiven me even before it happened he just needed me to acknowledge it for myself and move on and honestly I have even; though I look her in thek eye and still feel guilt I can live with myself because the truth is I serve a loving God and he knows I sin but he is always there to catch me when I fall and this isolated incident has only made me stronger. Now I face the demon again because the guy I cheated with has been separated from me but when were together everyone knows no one can deny the connection that defines us as "friends" we have a friendship like no other, strong even with time and full of laughter and roller coasters. I don't know why I can go two months not seeing him and the day we see each other it’s like we have to pry each other apart in order to move away from each other why does the force of nature draw us so close to each other what is the purpose...well I may never know but to my friend..acquaintance whatever from the bottom of my heart I AM TRULY SORRY if the shoe was on the other foot only god knows what I would do but if someday you do find out I truly hope you can forgive me well I sign off for now keep your heads up and god first. 

Happy blogging and much luv.

-Dee

Friend Or Foe

False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us when we cross into the shade.

Their Perspective

...So I was sitting at our school commons minding my own business with the home girl (actually not minding my own business but i tried) anyways and I hear some guy rantting and raving pouring out his heart felt emotions on the poor deaf ears of a girl who just wanted to eat her pasta lol. Well before I crack on the poor boy let me tell you what my ease droppin ears caught on to.."boys have feelings" who knew I mean why do they hide them? Why does it take some drastic act of God to bring out the person we try to see for days, months, years? I mean how can I feel bad for you when you wait til' the girl has left your crack for something better for you to come pouring out your emotions cause you lost that one thing that actually made you feel like a person of worth I mean where will you ever find that person with her smile, personality or swagger? But I mean I do get one thing that he said were only 20 I mean its like 20 is the new 10 we think that were so young that we can't obtain this level of commitment to anything but honestly if you can't commit now when will the time ever be right? Get it together? She cheated on you ...if you knew the one ”ya way shalom” you wouldnt be stuck pouring out salty crocidile tears over a girl whose already found a new car to park in her garage. Yes I said it!! She ain't coming back but that don't mean that its the end of the world my nigga it's just the beginning...now that she has given you your wings back, soar to your potential...I think with girls we get so caught up in talk about ya'll that we forget that life is full of so much more than just hotdogs and sixpacks theres a whole world out there ready for us to obtain
Be blessed :)

Truth Be Told

...lol so I am sitting here really studying






...lol so I am sitting here really studying for my test but all I can think about it how bad I want to write and express the joys that I truly feel this whole weekend. I mean seriously has anyone ever been to cloud 9 cause I swear it's not really a cloud but this fantasy that everyone goes to one time or another in their lives where everything is perfect, where nothing else matter, but you and the crackhead on the cloud...that's the best way I can explain it. I just don't know any other way to explain smiling so hard my face hurts not caring about the people trying to slander you with their petty Facebook or aim statuses cause truly only GOD knows me and then sum up such a great weekend (even though I couldn't go to church, GOD forgive me lol). I have a friend that I can truly say her true beauty shines from the inside and out and she always keeps it 100, telling me straight out how it is and it is interesting cause she tells me everything that other people would rather whisper behind my back but I appreciate everything about here because she just keeps (random: being an RA is just too real had to run out at 3am pushing 4am to a boy throwing up and ambulance and police where everywhere definitely too real) but continuing my home girl that I have known since summer 07' continues to keep me grounded and is always reminding me of who I promised myself to be and who I really am she gave me this ticket the other day that read: Ticket for an awesome friend (and on the back it said) because it takes a real person to know the depth of your personality and true friendship...and I couldn't agree more and the truth is she is more than a true friend to me has become my sister so I want her to know that even thought we lost someone very special to both of is I think everything happens for a reason cause it has only brought us closer together she is a beautiful person on the inside and out and she will get the best out of life because that's what God has in stone for her as she continues to seek him first that's why I agree with her completely when she says "to all the couples out there the 'love' you have may not be forever, but the love that God had for you is and always will be forever." Because the truth is even though God has created man and woman for each other if we don't remember to keep him first in everything relationships, school, our daily walk then how can we flourish without him...we all need a reality check sometimes and for me sometimes more often than other's that's why I am blessed that even with my multiple personalities she continues to stay true and keep it real with me, that's what I miss not having my friends back home but home is anywhere you create a positive environment and I think I am starting to understand hot to shake the negative and hold on to all the beauty and splendor life had to offer: To my friend, sister, and confidant you have touched me with your light, you have amazed me by your strength and your love for our KING of KINGS continues to inspire me to be a better person and I simply say thank you, never let anyone blow out the light God continues to ignite en tu vida, much luv girl (this is my response to your FB message lol)

Why?

...ok so let me start by saying sorry to everyone offended by my last post and its vulgar language....lol SIKE pls this is a blog I ain't sorry for nothing if you can't handle what I got to say keep your eyes off my blog lol jk I love ya'll. On a serious note today was a challenging day in particular because I just wanted to go all types of black on people but thank GOD for his discernment and grace that he continues to give me when I just want to go to town on some people in particular that could really use some tongue lashing (yea...lol that sounded like a grandma) but real talk I don't know why people think I am quiet? I don't know why people think it's okay to say whatever they want without consequences (or getting popped in the face)? Like seriously I don't know why people think it's all gravy to stomp all over your emotions and eat your heart up raw? like ...SERIOUSLY just why? Are you not human, do you not have a heart ? Or a nice bone in your body...now don't play me I am no angel but god forbid that I don't think about people before I speak or act like my true self. I'm starting to think that everyone needs a blog because I think people have taken acting real instead of fake to a whole new level some people need to vent their real self on blogs and leave it there ...hence the start of this blog lol seriously I don't want to see your muff a** true self sometimes being fake is what some people need to do cause their personalities are just too much that's just my opinion ...I mean unless you are apart of the exclusive club DSU I ain't got time for your true self high key I ain't perfect and my true self is even too much for me to handle that's why when I pray instead of just praying for everything and everybody under the sky I pray for my own self cause I got issues just like the next person, but high key this blog was meant to smack talk but I just realized that smack talkin is a WASTE of my time and a waste of yours so get over yourself if someone dont like you. Oh well that means you got someone better waiting around the corner to be a better friend/significant other, or whatever lol but seriously like my mom told me today just kick rocks and show the haters your 32's (teeth lol...i know dont that sound gangster...shh my moms a G lol) and keep it pushing and remember keep him closer than anyone. God always gots your back so right now I let GO and am lettin GOD ...you should do the same much luv.

My Nigga

... my nigga (yes I said it) let me repeat myself my nigga, what makes you think it's okay to play with our emotions? What makes you think that because you got balls you can throw them to whatever base you want (yes I said that and lol)? I mean seriously though what makes you think it's okay to have a "sudden" epiphany, change of heart, or period of confusion. Whatever you niggas like to call that crap...look all I got to say is shoot ya'll niggas keep playing your games because THE NON NIGGA I have been lookin for is right around the corner ready to take your place, ready to wine and dine my fine behind, and I ain't talking about no 24-hr drive through McDonalds before the night is over booty call type of dining. I'm talkin about the type of dining niggas drop they jaw for when you happen to see my fine a** on facebook with a non-nigga who knows how to keep his lol. So everyone's probably like wtf am I reading all this gibberish about niggas...man if you dont know what I am talking about AMEN to you, but to girls stuck (or who dont realize they deserve better) you most definitely know of this nigga type I am talking about..but dont play me I am no nigga hater because I stand corrected I love my men and mine in particular has just been slipping out of this nigga behavior so definitely props to him :) but this aint about him this is about all my friends who come crying to me waterfall tears about their damnn nigga a** boyfriends. Man obviously they need to be left exactly as you found them lil "boy's" that happen to be your "friend" .... wait, wait and I got a word for my good men who get played by girls who still playing tricks and running games please please let them heffas know that tricks are for kids and if they don't trust you, they need to release the constraints and let some of us good women snatch up, because I know too many good fellows gettin played shoot by my own friends to those men I give permission to grab your balls back and head towards home base because there are good women there that you can most definitely take home to mom. Okay well I just need to express some random a** frustration, not actually frustrated lol but I was just thinking about all my beautiful people that have been hurt lately and I had to make sure I showed them some hope and love. Never stop thinking you'll find someone cause that good man or women is not hard to find, they might just be chained to the wrong person but they'll come around "PROMISE" look up and keep GOD closer than anyone.
Be blessed :)

"To Whom This May Concern"

....so far I have had a rather gratifying day. I have come to terms with my demons and have finally found the truth that I learned doesn't lie so deep within. You see this whole week I've been mopping around complaining about things that really have no relvance in progressing my life forward I mean who am I shrink "so that other people won't feel insecure around me(you). We are all meant to shine, as children do." This quote happens to come from Marianne Williamson's rendition called OUR DEEPEST FEAR, yea so maybe I dont always say or do the right thing but the truth is that doesn't mean that you give up and just throw in the towel on life because believe it or not as soon as you give in the towel life is still continuing on with or without you. Shoot I don't know about you but I will not be left behind in this journey waiting MY journey that is life. I use the moment to acknowledge life in all its beauty and I stand in awe of the life that GOD has given me, blessed to be able to say that I'm still standing. It's interesting because I never thought that writing on some dumba** blogspot would be so releaving but it truly has opened me up to a whole other side of myself that I always knew was there but have kept hidden for so long. Yes I love people, the ones who love me back, the ones that cause me pain, the ones that I have hurt, but the truth is I can't continue to let myself get consumed by ignorance and malice that I myself fall apart. Sometimes growing up means moving on and figuring out that life is more than hiding under your makeup stained pillow w/ Mr. Burger nestled under your arms yes its time to turn off the music and wiggle your toes out of bed and walk out into your destiny ... your life awaits GET UP AND SEIZE THE DAY!!! Well until next time I love you all, GOD is love! :)

Is It So Hard?

....so it has been three years and still we are doing the cat and mouse game. Aren't you tired of this already? Is it really that hard to face the facts that lie right in front of your face? What are you fighting that you can't just commit and accept the harsh realities of life? Is it so hard? I mean we are talking about that complicated four letter word and for some reason after three years of this roller coaster ride we keep on getting on for the ride but yet still you fight the passion the power it possess over us both? Yea...no one's perfect I'm not trying to say that I have made life easy for you by any means but that's life right? How boring would it be if everything was merely predictable and we had no spice and sugar? I can't help it so maybe I just need to come out and say it first? Maybe its not about who wears the pants and the skirt in the relationship maybe that's just all fairytale and pixie dust? UGH, so here it goes nothing for the second time you have got me trapped in this damn cage singing that CAGED BIRDS SONG (yes, that was in reference to Maya Angelou) ...well DANMIT I love you!!! Okay there I said it's over you were my first deal, with it ok somehow through all the negative your positives shine through. Through all my frustration I still have some kind of puppy dog weakness in the knees when your around...no matter how confident I get I still look into your eyes and feel myself sweating from every part of me. Well it's like late and I like have class so even though my first blog has been refreshing from such a downer week I hope that people somehow can relate to all my craziness that I will be spitting out from my mind love yea all even though I dont know you and feel free to ask questions.