So once people reach a certain age all around them they see weddings, and babies. Most of my cousins that are around the same age, or younger than me have babies and it seems like everyone has a significant other or are married. Then there is me, my family looks at me and they give me one of those looks that speaks a thousand words. People look at me and ask me do you have a boyfriend and I laugh to myself and answer then with a simple NO. Sometimes I just want to yell at them, and tell them at the moment I do not want that. Honestly, I am not ready for that type of commitment, or interested in dealing with a fool (hahaha I know I know not all guys are like this, but the male figures around me prove otherwise). I guess I just want to focus on my career and on myself, and I am not ready to give up my life to make another person happy. Then again I have this warped view of relationships by what I have gone through in life. Also, I do not want to be with someone and give up soo much of myself to end up being called a NAGGER. Yes the nerve people have now a days, my friend told me of how her bf called her a nagger, for wanting what she deserved after he forgot her birthday. In this age guys expect a lot from women to give up a lot, to be there unconditionally, while they feel like they do not have to move a finger for their significant other. It is a cycle where mistakes are made again, again, and again; where they do not see their own mistakes and flaws BUT they constantly point out what is wrong with their significant other. What I am trying to say that I guess I might be a tad selfish and I just do not want to deal with someone who will point a finger at me for wanting what I deserve, for being there unconditionally. Don't get me wrong I am not a guy hater or totally agains love, but at one point or the other we have to look out for ourselves and do what is bet for us even if we end up leaving people behind. So moral of the story treat your significant other right, or you might be left in the dust.
-Love E
Monday, July 2, 2012
Fake Boyfriend
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From what you say here:
ReplyDelete"Also, I do not want to be with someone and give up soo much of myself to end up being called a NAGGER. Yes the nerve people have now a days, my friend told me of how her bf called her a nagger, for wanting what she deserved after he forgot her birthday. In this age guys expect a lot from women to give up a lot, to be there unconditionally, while they feel like they do not have to move a finger for their significant other. It is a cycle where mistakes are made again, again, and again;"
I think you might find it very interesting to read the first 60 pages of the book "Hold Me Tight" by Dr. Sue Johnson. Specifically on page 47:
"When safe connection seems lost, partners go into fight-or-flight mode. They blame and get aggressive to get a response, any response, or they close down and try not to care. Both are terrified; they are just dealing with it differently. Trouble is, once they start this blame-distance loop, it confirms all their fears and adds to their sense of isolation....Most of the blaming in these dialogues is a desperate attachment cry, a protest against disconnection. It can only be quieted by a lover moving emotionally close to hold and reassure. Nothing else will do. If this reconnection does not occur, the struggle goes on. One partner will frantically try to get an emotional response from the other. The other, hearing that he or she has failed at love, will freeze up. Immobility in the face of danger is a wired-in way to deal with a sense of helplessness."
What this means, essentially, is that one partner, feeling a loss of connection will complain to the other one, but usually about something else. Instead of saying "I need you to spend more time with me." she (usually she) says "How come you never...?" He usually hears this as "nagging" instead of a bid for closeness and reacts accordingly—by moving further away(!) from what he perceives as a personal criticism (and it does sound like one to an outside observer). She, seeing that what she said did not succeed in producing greater closeness, but only greater distance, repeats the "complaint," but this time louder and more intensely, and the more she does this the more he tries to avoid it, before eventually shutting down completely (as the only remaining defense against a perceived repeated and intensifying "attack" on his character). And round and round it goes, a classic case of miscommunication, with neither one really realizing how to break out of it and get what they really want, both of them, which is to be happy together—like they used to be.
Anyway, it's a great book, and should be required reading in high school, at least for anyone who plans to be in a relationship someday.
I came to this page by searching Google for info on Mexican culture and dating. I was interested in this post because of its title, which is similar to one I wrote around the same time titled "It should be simple really" at http://joaquimoly.blogspot.com/