No Niños, Quiero Un Hombre!

La noche pasado escuche a mi a amiga, after being tortured by someone (who shall not, be named) drenching us with their gibberish and irrevalant discussions, my friend suddenly turned, to me and, said quiero un hombre no quiero niños...I mean come on, do I really have to explain... It's as simple as it translates. No matter how many times we've been ran over, screwed over, abused and misused there's something within every man or women that longs for that companion to make them feel whole again ...complete. Oh so you probably think I'm going to tell you keep believing, and ...I am. You probably think I'm going to tell you to seek God first above all else, and everything will fall into place according to his perfect will and...I am. You even probably already assumed I would tell you, to completely love yourself (does not mean be conceited) because when two whole people come together they can focus on their relationship as a couple without dealing with ”trying to fix each other” and ...I am. That baloney never flies...I hear too many people telling me their significant other broke up with them cause they wanted to "do them”. Yea hello cause they have no idea who they are first of all, over half the time. Anyways my point, simply reverts back to this ”quiero un hombre”, you can want a man;all you want but want God more, seek after becoming a the best version of yourself, so that when you meet that person that makes your butterflies soar you won't be fixing each other you'll be standing strong as one.
*take a second out of your day and think of one thing that can make you better (not, your sister, brother, friend...you) and focus on trying to become the person your looking for is looking for. Be blessed :)

True Friendship

I have come across this quote quite a few times, "we are able to be apart for months or years at a time, but when we get back together, it's as if nothing has changed" that is how I felt after seeing some of my closest friends after not seeing them close to a year. It is really amazing to see the strong bonds that we as people form with strangers when we are off to college. We all went through this journey that was new to all of us and experienced situations that were completely new to us, where we lost, and gained friends. Seeing all my friends after a long time made me realize that I am very fortunate to have this great support system that is behind me 100% and I am not alone no matter what is going on. However, not all people are as fortunate as I am in the friend department, there are those friends who cannot stand to see their friends succeed and try to make every situation about themselves. One thing that I sometimes do not comprehend is why are people like that? Why do  they feel the need to bring their friends down because they are not succeeding in life, and their friends are. It just amazes me that no matter the outcome there will always be those friends who will always be there to bring down people, and will make people not talk about their bright future. I guess if I were in that situation I would kind of feel down because I'd be stuck in the same place, while my friends where progressing in their studies, career, etc. but that does not give me any type of right to bring everyone down with me. I know how it feels to be in limbo on not know what is going to happen or not having something set in stone for the future, but what separates me from those other types of friends is that I took all the advice I could from friends who were succeeding and I was genuinely happy for all their fortunes. After I graduated from UCR, I knew that I had to go to grad school for what I wanted to do, but I felt that my gpa was too low to be accepted to any program. But having the support from all the great friends that I have, and having faith in God and knowing that he would provide that I finally was accepted into grad school. I believe it is always important to have friends that are there for you no matter what, the type of friends who are happy for you when you are succeeding, and who are willing to give you a shoulder to cry on when you need it. So I guess what I am trying to say is the moment you find that true friendship hold on to it, and never let go haha. Seriously though only true friends are willing to let go of the past and move forward and forgive and forget of the things that at one point may have drove you apart. On that note be nice to people because you never know what role an individual may have in changing your life.

-Love E

Why Cheat?

So I’m simply here to ask why do people cheat? Is it that temptation is just too strong? Is it a secret desire to want what we can’t have or want something someone else already has? Is it some hidden insecurity that we justify with the malicious of making sure that our self-needs are satisfied? The truth is whatever it is plain and simple it ain't right!! Even people who are in the act (maybe as I write) know it just ain't right there is no justification for the sticky mess that you have just sucked yourself into and there is no freedom in knowing that you have gotten away with such foolish behavior, the truth is cheating effects everyone involved and that’s the bottom line. So you're probably thinking why do I write so knowledgeably TRUTH BE TOLD I HAVE CHEATED yeah that’s they plain truth I have cheated my friends, my self and worse of all the one person that I confided in. the thing is that if I lived with the guilt of cheating forever I would not be able to be as happy as a I am today but as I sit watching Carrie on Sex in the City jungle between two men I think back to the conversation I had with my friend on Friday about my guilt and how I feel that even though my acquaintance doesn't know that me and her man got down for a while (NOT SEX) I have a sense of peace within myself because the truth is god has forgiven me even before it happened he just needed me to acknowledge it for myself and move on and honestly I have even; though I look her in thek eye and still feel guilt I can live with myself because the truth is I serve a loving God and he knows I sin but he is always there to catch me when I fall and this isolated incident has only made me stronger. Now I face the demon again because the guy I cheated with has been separated from me but when were together everyone knows no one can deny the connection that defines us as "friends" we have a friendship like no other, strong even with time and full of laughter and roller coasters. I don't know why I can go two months not seeing him and the day we see each other it’s like we have to pry each other apart in order to move away from each other why does the force of nature draw us so close to each other what is the purpose...well I may never know but to my friend..acquaintance whatever from the bottom of my heart I AM TRULY SORRY if the shoe was on the other foot only god knows what I would do but if someday you do find out I truly hope you can forgive me well I sign off for now keep your heads up and god first. 

Happy blogging and much luv.

-Dee

Truth Be Told

...lol so I am sitting here really studying






...lol so I am sitting here really studying for my test but all I can think about it how bad I want to write and express the joys that I truly feel this whole weekend. I mean seriously has anyone ever been to cloud 9 cause I swear it's not really a cloud but this fantasy that everyone goes to one time or another in their lives where everything is perfect, where nothing else matter, but you and the crackhead on the cloud...that's the best way I can explain it. I just don't know any other way to explain smiling so hard my face hurts not caring about the people trying to slander you with their petty Facebook or aim statuses cause truly only GOD knows me and then sum up such a great weekend (even though I couldn't go to church, GOD forgive me lol). I have a friend that I can truly say her true beauty shines from the inside and out and she always keeps it 100, telling me straight out how it is and it is interesting cause she tells me everything that other people would rather whisper behind my back but I appreciate everything about here because she just keeps (random: being an RA is just too real had to run out at 3am pushing 4am to a boy throwing up and ambulance and police where everywhere definitely too real) but continuing my home girl that I have known since summer 07' continues to keep me grounded and is always reminding me of who I promised myself to be and who I really am she gave me this ticket the other day that read: Ticket for an awesome friend (and on the back it said) because it takes a real person to know the depth of your personality and true friendship...and I couldn't agree more and the truth is she is more than a true friend to me has become my sister so I want her to know that even thought we lost someone very special to both of is I think everything happens for a reason cause it has only brought us closer together she is a beautiful person on the inside and out and she will get the best out of life because that's what God has in stone for her as she continues to seek him first that's why I agree with her completely when she says "to all the couples out there the 'love' you have may not be forever, but the love that God had for you is and always will be forever." Because the truth is even though God has created man and woman for each other if we don't remember to keep him first in everything relationships, school, our daily walk then how can we flourish without him...we all need a reality check sometimes and for me sometimes more often than other's that's why I am blessed that even with my multiple personalities she continues to stay true and keep it real with me, that's what I miss not having my friends back home but home is anywhere you create a positive environment and I think I am starting to understand hot to shake the negative and hold on to all the beauty and splendor life had to offer: To my friend, sister, and confidant you have touched me with your light, you have amazed me by your strength and your love for our KING of KINGS continues to inspire me to be a better person and I simply say thank you, never let anyone blow out the light God continues to ignite en tu vida, much luv girl (this is my response to your FB message lol)

"To Whom This May Concern"

....so far I have had a rather gratifying day. I have come to terms with my demons and have finally found the truth that I learned doesn't lie so deep within. You see this whole week I've been mopping around complaining about things that really have no relvance in progressing my life forward I mean who am I shrink "so that other people won't feel insecure around me(you). We are all meant to shine, as children do." This quote happens to come from Marianne Williamson's rendition called OUR DEEPEST FEAR, yea so maybe I dont always say or do the right thing but the truth is that doesn't mean that you give up and just throw in the towel on life because believe it or not as soon as you give in the towel life is still continuing on with or without you. Shoot I don't know about you but I will not be left behind in this journey waiting MY journey that is life. I use the moment to acknowledge life in all its beauty and I stand in awe of the life that GOD has given me, blessed to be able to say that I'm still standing. It's interesting because I never thought that writing on some dumba** blogspot would be so releaving but it truly has opened me up to a whole other side of myself that I always knew was there but have kept hidden for so long. Yes I love people, the ones who love me back, the ones that cause me pain, the ones that I have hurt, but the truth is I can't continue to let myself get consumed by ignorance and malice that I myself fall apart. Sometimes growing up means moving on and figuring out that life is more than hiding under your makeup stained pillow w/ Mr. Burger nestled under your arms yes its time to turn off the music and wiggle your toes out of bed and walk out into your destiny ... your life awaits GET UP AND SEIZE THE DAY!!! Well until next time I love you all, GOD is love! :)

Is It So Hard?

....so it has been three years and still we are doing the cat and mouse game. Aren't you tired of this already? Is it really that hard to face the facts that lie right in front of your face? What are you fighting that you can't just commit and accept the harsh realities of life? Is it so hard? I mean we are talking about that complicated four letter word and for some reason after three years of this roller coaster ride we keep on getting on for the ride but yet still you fight the passion the power it possess over us both? Yea...no one's perfect I'm not trying to say that I have made life easy for you by any means but that's life right? How boring would it be if everything was merely predictable and we had no spice and sugar? I can't help it so maybe I just need to come out and say it first? Maybe its not about who wears the pants and the skirt in the relationship maybe that's just all fairytale and pixie dust? UGH, so here it goes nothing for the second time you have got me trapped in this damn cage singing that CAGED BIRDS SONG (yes, that was in reference to Maya Angelou) ...well DANMIT I love you!!! Okay there I said it's over you were my first deal, with it ok somehow through all the negative your positives shine through. Through all my frustration I still have some kind of puppy dog weakness in the knees when your around...no matter how confident I get I still look into your eyes and feel myself sweating from every part of me. Well it's like late and I like have class so even though my first blog has been refreshing from such a downer week I hope that people somehow can relate to all my craziness that I will be spitting out from my mind love yea all even though I dont know you and feel free to ask questions.