True Friendship

I have come across this quote quite a few times, "we are able to be apart for months or years at a time, but when we get back together, it's as if nothing has changed" that is how I felt after seeing some of my closest friends after not seeing them close to a year. It is really amazing to see the strong bonds that we as people form with strangers when we are off to college. We all went through this journey that was new to all of us and experienced situations that were completely new to us, where we lost, and gained friends. Seeing all my friends after a long time made me realize that I am very fortunate to have this great support system that is behind me 100% and I am not alone no matter what is going on. However, not all people are as fortunate as I am in the friend department, there are those friends who cannot stand to see their friends succeed and try to make every situation about themselves. One thing that I sometimes do not comprehend is why are people like that? Why do  they feel the need to bring their friends down because they are not succeeding in life, and their friends are. It just amazes me that no matter the outcome there will always be those friends who will always be there to bring down people, and will make people not talk about their bright future. I guess if I were in that situation I would kind of feel down because I'd be stuck in the same place, while my friends where progressing in their studies, career, etc. but that does not give me any type of right to bring everyone down with me. I know how it feels to be in limbo on not know what is going to happen or not having something set in stone for the future, but what separates me from those other types of friends is that I took all the advice I could from friends who were succeeding and I was genuinely happy for all their fortunes. After I graduated from UCR, I knew that I had to go to grad school for what I wanted to do, but I felt that my gpa was too low to be accepted to any program. But having the support from all the great friends that I have, and having faith in God and knowing that he would provide that I finally was accepted into grad school. I believe it is always important to have friends that are there for you no matter what, the type of friends who are happy for you when you are succeeding, and who are willing to give you a shoulder to cry on when you need it. So I guess what I am trying to say is the moment you find that true friendship hold on to it, and never let go haha. Seriously though only true friends are willing to let go of the past and move forward and forgive and forget of the things that at one point may have drove you apart. On that note be nice to people because you never know what role an individual may have in changing your life.

-Love E

Brand New??

I want to have a positive contribution to women, girls, boys, men, and especially the up and coming generation. I am not satisfied with merely being complacent while people are out there hustling everyday to achieve their dream through whatever means possible whether it's becoming the next Top Chef, or a world famous make-up artist, ALL of our dreams matter. However, this isn't just about the rat race, and dream chasers but the biggest issue I see affecting most young and old people are relationships!! Have you ever gone through something and felt like no one in the world understood what you were going through or has gone through your UNIQUE experience? Well I'm here to tell you that you are NOT alone...being in a relationship, and hearing insane stories from friends, acquaintances, and strangers I have realized a need and healing in allowing people to unload their stories on me without bias or judgment and I want to share these stories (of course not with the names and exact details) but to build a community blog where people can realize they are not alone. Through faith and hope the dreaded four letter word L-O-V-E is possible if you are willing, to open your heart and have faith that God has your back so Let Go and Let God. Our futures are bright cause he has already destined us for greatness. These are some clear and scattered questions I hope to address with this blog. What will we choose to believe?? What will you journey be?? Who will you allow to impact or detract you from your goals? Do you have goals? Are they realistic? Long-term? Short-term? Are you giving yourself, time to heal after a break up?? (Yes, HEAL how can you start a new relationships without learning and accepting the past??) How did you grow after the breakup?? Have you given up one love?? How about those of us in relationships? Does your relationship "just work""?? Is there progress towards a future?? Are you both willing to compromise?? Do you allow each other their independence while growing together?? What is love to you?? These are just few questions I get asked and have heard other people ask however this blog will NOT provide the answers but pray it provides clarity and hope that your knight in shining armor, or queen (not trophy wife) IS out there. With that said welcome and please feel free to contribute and share your stories and happy blogging :)

g2beme089@hotmail.com

Wonder??!!??

I wonder do you think of me? Cause I think about the years I have invested the time emotion and energy and wonder is it worth, it is it worth it to sweat, cry, pant and want to share your life with someone. It is, it's worth it when you find that person that completes you that has become your everything and more without them that other half that soulmate most of us feel lost confused and alone but God hasn't created us to be alone he has already ordained that person that will radically change the course of our life forever it's up to us to make the decision between the ones that stay and make us radically change for the better and those that only bring ya down we have. We make it our prerogative to want more and demand it for we deserve nothing less than the best I sit here wondering how I know all this and remain stuck then I remember I'm apart of real life and it just so happens just cause I write it doesn't mean I don't live it my teachers all throughout college always told me I could write but that I had to stop writing like a journal but I couldn't help it I like to express my thoughts and emotions through this style of writing it makes me who I am so why have I let people redefine me. I don't want to get back to who was, I just want to move on from here to become the beat me and the first step I have taken is loving myself and the skin I'm in.
Blessings.... :)

Truth Be Told

...lol so I am sitting here really studying






...lol so I am sitting here really studying for my test but all I can think about it how bad I want to write and express the joys that I truly feel this whole weekend. I mean seriously has anyone ever been to cloud 9 cause I swear it's not really a cloud but this fantasy that everyone goes to one time or another in their lives where everything is perfect, where nothing else matter, but you and the crackhead on the cloud...that's the best way I can explain it. I just don't know any other way to explain smiling so hard my face hurts not caring about the people trying to slander you with their petty Facebook or aim statuses cause truly only GOD knows me and then sum up such a great weekend (even though I couldn't go to church, GOD forgive me lol). I have a friend that I can truly say her true beauty shines from the inside and out and she always keeps it 100, telling me straight out how it is and it is interesting cause she tells me everything that other people would rather whisper behind my back but I appreciate everything about here because she just keeps (random: being an RA is just too real had to run out at 3am pushing 4am to a boy throwing up and ambulance and police where everywhere definitely too real) but continuing my home girl that I have known since summer 07' continues to keep me grounded and is always reminding me of who I promised myself to be and who I really am she gave me this ticket the other day that read: Ticket for an awesome friend (and on the back it said) because it takes a real person to know the depth of your personality and true friendship...and I couldn't agree more and the truth is she is more than a true friend to me has become my sister so I want her to know that even thought we lost someone very special to both of is I think everything happens for a reason cause it has only brought us closer together she is a beautiful person on the inside and out and she will get the best out of life because that's what God has in stone for her as she continues to seek him first that's why I agree with her completely when she says "to all the couples out there the 'love' you have may not be forever, but the love that God had for you is and always will be forever." Because the truth is even though God has created man and woman for each other if we don't remember to keep him first in everything relationships, school, our daily walk then how can we flourish without him...we all need a reality check sometimes and for me sometimes more often than other's that's why I am blessed that even with my multiple personalities she continues to stay true and keep it real with me, that's what I miss not having my friends back home but home is anywhere you create a positive environment and I think I am starting to understand hot to shake the negative and hold on to all the beauty and splendor life had to offer: To my friend, sister, and confidant you have touched me with your light, you have amazed me by your strength and your love for our KING of KINGS continues to inspire me to be a better person and I simply say thank you, never let anyone blow out the light God continues to ignite en tu vida, much luv girl (this is my response to your FB message lol)

Why?

...ok so let me start by saying sorry to everyone offended by my last post and its vulgar language....lol SIKE pls this is a blog I ain't sorry for nothing if you can't handle what I got to say keep your eyes off my blog lol jk I love ya'll. On a serious note today was a challenging day in particular because I just wanted to go all types of black on people but thank GOD for his discernment and grace that he continues to give me when I just want to go to town on some people in particular that could really use some tongue lashing (yea...lol that sounded like a grandma) but real talk I don't know why people think I am quiet? I don't know why people think it's okay to say whatever they want without consequences (or getting popped in the face)? Like seriously I don't know why people think it's all gravy to stomp all over your emotions and eat your heart up raw? like ...SERIOUSLY just why? Are you not human, do you not have a heart ? Or a nice bone in your body...now don't play me I am no angel but god forbid that I don't think about people before I speak or act like my true self. I'm starting to think that everyone needs a blog because I think people have taken acting real instead of fake to a whole new level some people need to vent their real self on blogs and leave it there ...hence the start of this blog lol seriously I don't want to see your muff a** true self sometimes being fake is what some people need to do cause their personalities are just too much that's just my opinion ...I mean unless you are apart of the exclusive club DSU I ain't got time for your true self high key I ain't perfect and my true self is even too much for me to handle that's why when I pray instead of just praying for everything and everybody under the sky I pray for my own self cause I got issues just like the next person, but high key this blog was meant to smack talk but I just realized that smack talkin is a WASTE of my time and a waste of yours so get over yourself if someone dont like you. Oh well that means you got someone better waiting around the corner to be a better friend/significant other, or whatever lol but seriously like my mom told me today just kick rocks and show the haters your 32's (teeth lol...i know dont that sound gangster...shh my moms a G lol) and keep it pushing and remember keep him closer than anyone. God always gots your back so right now I let GO and am lettin GOD ...you should do the same much luv.

My Nigga

... my nigga (yes I said it) let me repeat myself my nigga, what makes you think it's okay to play with our emotions? What makes you think that because you got balls you can throw them to whatever base you want (yes I said that and lol)? I mean seriously though what makes you think it's okay to have a "sudden" epiphany, change of heart, or period of confusion. Whatever you niggas like to call that crap...look all I got to say is shoot ya'll niggas keep playing your games because THE NON NIGGA I have been lookin for is right around the corner ready to take your place, ready to wine and dine my fine behind, and I ain't talking about no 24-hr drive through McDonalds before the night is over booty call type of dining. I'm talkin about the type of dining niggas drop they jaw for when you happen to see my fine a** on facebook with a non-nigga who knows how to keep his lol. So everyone's probably like wtf am I reading all this gibberish about niggas...man if you dont know what I am talking about AMEN to you, but to girls stuck (or who dont realize they deserve better) you most definitely know of this nigga type I am talking about..but dont play me I am no nigga hater because I stand corrected I love my men and mine in particular has just been slipping out of this nigga behavior so definitely props to him :) but this aint about him this is about all my friends who come crying to me waterfall tears about their damnn nigga a** boyfriends. Man obviously they need to be left exactly as you found them lil "boy's" that happen to be your "friend" .... wait, wait and I got a word for my good men who get played by girls who still playing tricks and running games please please let them heffas know that tricks are for kids and if they don't trust you, they need to release the constraints and let some of us good women snatch up, because I know too many good fellows gettin played shoot by my own friends to those men I give permission to grab your balls back and head towards home base because there are good women there that you can most definitely take home to mom. Okay well I just need to express some random a** frustration, not actually frustrated lol but I was just thinking about all my beautiful people that have been hurt lately and I had to make sure I showed them some hope and love. Never stop thinking you'll find someone cause that good man or women is not hard to find, they might just be chained to the wrong person but they'll come around "PROMISE" look up and keep GOD closer than anyone.
Be blessed :)

"To Whom This May Concern"

....so far I have had a rather gratifying day. I have come to terms with my demons and have finally found the truth that I learned doesn't lie so deep within. You see this whole week I've been mopping around complaining about things that really have no relvance in progressing my life forward I mean who am I shrink "so that other people won't feel insecure around me(you). We are all meant to shine, as children do." This quote happens to come from Marianne Williamson's rendition called OUR DEEPEST FEAR, yea so maybe I dont always say or do the right thing but the truth is that doesn't mean that you give up and just throw in the towel on life because believe it or not as soon as you give in the towel life is still continuing on with or without you. Shoot I don't know about you but I will not be left behind in this journey waiting MY journey that is life. I use the moment to acknowledge life in all its beauty and I stand in awe of the life that GOD has given me, blessed to be able to say that I'm still standing. It's interesting because I never thought that writing on some dumba** blogspot would be so releaving but it truly has opened me up to a whole other side of myself that I always knew was there but have kept hidden for so long. Yes I love people, the ones who love me back, the ones that cause me pain, the ones that I have hurt, but the truth is I can't continue to let myself get consumed by ignorance and malice that I myself fall apart. Sometimes growing up means moving on and figuring out that life is more than hiding under your makeup stained pillow w/ Mr. Burger nestled under your arms yes its time to turn off the music and wiggle your toes out of bed and walk out into your destiny ... your life awaits GET UP AND SEIZE THE DAY!!! Well until next time I love you all, GOD is love! :)

Is It So Hard?

....so it has been three years and still we are doing the cat and mouse game. Aren't you tired of this already? Is it really that hard to face the facts that lie right in front of your face? What are you fighting that you can't just commit and accept the harsh realities of life? Is it so hard? I mean we are talking about that complicated four letter word and for some reason after three years of this roller coaster ride we keep on getting on for the ride but yet still you fight the passion the power it possess over us both? Yea...no one's perfect I'm not trying to say that I have made life easy for you by any means but that's life right? How boring would it be if everything was merely predictable and we had no spice and sugar? I can't help it so maybe I just need to come out and say it first? Maybe its not about who wears the pants and the skirt in the relationship maybe that's just all fairytale and pixie dust? UGH, so here it goes nothing for the second time you have got me trapped in this damn cage singing that CAGED BIRDS SONG (yes, that was in reference to Maya Angelou) ...well DANMIT I love you!!! Okay there I said it's over you were my first deal, with it ok somehow through all the negative your positives shine through. Through all my frustration I still have some kind of puppy dog weakness in the knees when your around...no matter how confident I get I still look into your eyes and feel myself sweating from every part of me. Well it's like late and I like have class so even though my first blog has been refreshing from such a downer week I hope that people somehow can relate to all my craziness that I will be spitting out from my mind love yea all even though I dont know you and feel free to ask questions.